24 July 2005

To the Lady Who Thinks Edinburgh Castle Should Accept U.S. Currency:

You are in Edinburgh. That is in Scotland. Which is in the United Kingdom. Which is in excess of three THOUSAND miles away from the closest part of the United States. The United Kingdom is NOT a colony of the United States; they need not accept U.S. currency.

You should not to give a mean look to the nice lady in the gift shop when she tells you that they do not accept U.S. currency. You also should not then complain to your husband, telling him you can't believe they don't take your money.

You are a prime example of why I am ashamed to be an American overseas. You deserve to have a miserable trip, which you apparently believe you are. You should be ashamed of yourself; I am most certainly ashamed of you.

Earnestly yours,

DAG

29 June 2005

To the Lady Three Rows Behind Me on the Airplane:

Nobody cares that your daughter is getting married. Or that her fiancé is from England. Or that his mother is English and his father is Canadian. Or that the wedding is in Barbados and both families will be there for the barefoot ceremony on the beach. Or that he promised to buy your daughter horses and goats. Or that, as a child, you once slept in a barn so you could watch your neighbor’s horse foal. And so on ad infinitum.

In short, nobody cares to hear every detail about your life. Not the poor lady next to you, who also had to see the accompanying photographs, and least of all me, a full three rows in front of you. Use your “inside voice” on the plane, please.

Earnestly yours,

DAG